About this Blog
Who is the author?
My name is Alex! I’m an engineering leader with a focus on people-first management and ethical management in a late-stage capitalist society. I’m a late-diagnosed autistic who is constantly learning more about myself and the way my brain works through the help and support of the autistic community.
Note
Like most of the autistic community, I refer to myself as “autistic”, not a “person with autism”. This is because autism is an inseparable part of me and who I am. Please respect that!
What is this blog?
I’ve been toying with the idea for Crying Under My Desk for a really long time now. I’ve started and stopped, switched blogging platforms roughly one million times, and struggled to find the time to both create the content that I’d like to see and the website that I’d like to see it on. And now, it feels like the perfect time to actually take a big leap of faith right into it. Here are some of the overarching themes that I’d like to focus on:
1. Engineering leadership
- How should engineering managers balance technical leaders and people management?
- Does the mythical “manager-doer” actually exist?
- How do engineering leaders manage the performance of their reports? Why is performance management much more than just performance improvement plans?
- How do we train managers and leaders?
2. Company culture
- What are companies doing to be intentional about their culture?
- What are actions that might unexpectedly impact a company or team’s culture?
- How do layoffs affect companies in the long run? Why is “underperformance” the go-to explanation for layoffs?
3. My experience as an autistic professional and leader
- My journey to understand the way that I work best, and how I set expectations around it.
- Why did I get into management? Why have I stayed in management?
- What kinds of accommodations do I use in my professional life? How can others get similar accommodations?
- Interacting and collaborating with non-autistic folks in a role where a significant part of how impactful one can be depends on the perceptions of others.
Because I’m a complex and multi-faceted individual, you may also see some posts around:
- iOS/macOS development
- Using LEGO to facilitate team discussions
- US politics and late-stage capitalism more broadly
Most succinctly, I find that being autistic gives me a different perspective than others and allows me to see patterns that others might not. It’s my hope that amongst my experiences, thoughts, and perspectives, I’ll be able to help people grow as leaders. That others will be able to learn from my successes and mistakes, and that people (particularly new engineering managers) will see that they’re not alone in their struggles. I think it’ll also help me process everything going on, especially in the midst of a looming recession, treacherous job market for engineers, and a vast sea of moral injury stemming from corporations and the rich and powerful.
The name “Crying Under My Desk” came from a running joke about how I handle the pressure of managing a team of engineers. I’ve never actually cried under my desk, but I’ve sure felt like it at some points.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy my posts!